just a notepad

in iriquois falls we detoured at an historic cemetary at the end of a dirt road in this spectacular location of a hill overlooking a dollhouse valley with a river in it. there were many infant graves and other roman catholic burials dating from the 1700s. i was standing on a hillock with a big crucifix with circle thru it like a target, eyes widened by the spectacular view in the foreground of a misty overcast world, without at first realizing that underneath my feet lay the graves of two priests. i felt fixed to the spot and the moment, an unusual click between time and space. it was then i became very aware of the energies, the nature spirits, the incarcerated forms.

there was a tree in which i could not help but to see at first one, but then hags and gargolyes of all variety, all looking out of the tree at me to just where i was standing. then in other rocks and trees and lichen forms i saw so many faces there and clap understood these as departing energies that got 'stuck' or rather chose to stay 'stuck' and i was quite overwhelmed at how freaky and exquisite the human experience is. i got the communication that i've been sidestepping my lineage and deepest instincts, and that things will get increasingly uncomfortable unless i begin to act in accordance with my role and response-abilities.

i didn't take any pictures out of respect to the experience gifted me by chaos but when we got back into the car, just before pulling away, i took this picture through the windscreen. i had the piercing feeling later on the highway of a section of my heart seizing uncomfortably, quivering and then going back to normal. at first i thought i was having a heart attack but then i realized the heart, like all organs in transformation, must shake off the old holding patterns of a lifetime each time the forced benefic of rebirth is upon us and then i was less afraid.